You look like I need a drink

Foosball the Movie

Scene 1

Justin walks into a Kohl's department store, carrying a list on a small yellow slip of paper. He looks around for a few moments, finally finding a store employee.

Justin: "Hey, where the plates and shit?"

Employee: "What?"

Justin: "I need like a plate. Where they at?"

Employee: "shit's over there" (points to the back corner of the store)

Justin: "Thanks; plates too?"

Employee shrugs and walks off. Justin's phone rings while he walks. Display says "Mike". Justin answers.

Justin: "Yeah."

Mike: "Where you at right now?"

Justin: "Where am I at? I'm at Kohl's."

Mike: "What are you doing at Kohl's?"

Justin: "I don't know. I came to get some plates. They're on sale or something, what's it to you?"

Mike: "Justin, league is tonight. You have to be on time."

Justin: "I know. I need to get some plates first."

Mike: "Like dinner plates?"

Justin: "What other kinds of plates does Kohl's sell?"

Mike: "I don't know; license plates?!"

Justin: "Mike, why would Kohl's sell license plates?"

Mike: "So now you expect me to be an encyclopedia of everything Kohl's sells? How would I know? Just be on time tonight. Remember, we'd forfeit the first match if you're late, and then we'd have to play our way up the loser's bracket like Lenny and Hal."

Justin: "And they are legends because of it."

Mike: "No one wants to become a legend that way. You're always late, but tonight be on time. Okay?And, they're not legends. They're Lenny and Hal."

Justin: "Well, they're famous in Japan."

Mike: "So is David Hasselhoff."

Justin: "David Hasselhoff didn't play foosball!"

Mike: "How do you know?"

Justin reaches the plates area and looks confused. 

Justin: "Oh no."

Mike: "What's wrong?"

Justin: "They got more than one kind of plate."

Mike: "Of course they got more than one kind of plate. It's Kohl's."

Justin: "Well how am I supposed to know which plate to buy?"

Mike: "So, now you expect me to pick out your plate?"

Justin: "You can't pick out my plate. Betsy picks out the plates."

Mike: "Well, Betsy isn't on this phone call. How many kinds of plates do they have?"

Justin: "Like four."

Mike: "And she didn't tell you which one?"

Justin: "No. She only showed me a picture."

Mike: "Well, do any of them look like the picture?"

Justin: "I didn't think I had to remember it!"

Mike: "Justin, think. Do any of them look like what she might have showed you?"

Justin scans the plates, thinking.

Justin: "I narrowed it down to a 50% chance."

Mike: "Buy them both. You can't be late." 

Justin: "I'm not buying them both. Do you realize how much money we might be talking?"

Mike: "Not really. Do you?"

Justin: "No, but that's not the point. Point is, she showed me the plate and I wasn't listening. Point is, I drove all the way here and now I have to call her and she will once again know that it would have been faster to just do it herself."

Mike: "How many plates did she want?"

Justin: "hang on I'll look at the slip." (Looks at slip, confused.) "I can't read it."

Mike: "Well, who wrote it?"

Justin: "I did. I can't make it out."

Mike: "You might be the biggest idiot in the plates section of Kohl's right now."

Justin: "It's the kitchen section, so who's the idiot now?"

Mike: "I gotta go. Don't be late."