Justin: I have a surprise for you.
Betsy: You do?
Justin: Yeah, I found something I liked better.
Betsy: Better than what?
Justin: Better at Kohl's. You'll like it; I know you will.
Betsy: But, Justin, we needed plates. We have guests tomorrow, remember?
Justin: Oh, I got plates. Did I get plates? I got plates!
Justin reaches into bag and displays what he bought.
Betsy: And, that's a surprise?
Justin: Yeah, do you like them? I know about plates. These are metallic-edged resin with a balanced core; dishwasher safe, and art deco finish. I know plates, Betsy.
Betsy: What is wrong with you?
Justin: I'm just showing enthusiasm for understanding plate-itonic nuance. Kinda like when I chose the hot air balloon that looks like the fat lady bending over? I know art, Betsy.
Betsy: No, I mean... those are the exact plates I asked you to buy! Did you forget?
Justin: Well, instead of focusing on me forgetting, maybe we could highlight the fact that we have the same refined taste in discount far east faux ceramic design.
Betsy: I love you. (kisses him)
Justin: Good, because I can't be late for my tournament tonight.
Betsy: Tournament? You said we'd go to dinner. I didn't want to cook tonight remember?
Justin: The tourney is at Stubbie's, Betsy. You can come with. They have wings and shit. And like pina coladas.
Betsy: who drinks a pina colada at a foosball tournament?!
brief pause, then simultaneously, they both say "Lenny and Hal."
Betsy: I'm not going to Stubbie's Justin. Every time I go there, I sit at the bar fending off creeps while you and Mike smash someone in a game. Do you realize you're the only team that laughs when you make a shot? What's so funny?
Justin: I can't help it. It's funny! Believe me. And Stubbie's needs you. It has the ambiance of a Montana goat barn. It's a lot better when you go there.
Betsy: Well, I'm not wearing a skirt.
Justin: Fine, but you know I play better when you wear a skirt.
Betsy: What is wrong with you?
Justin: Remember, it doesn't matter what's wrong with me. The important thing is what I do about it.
Betsy: And what, exactly, is that?
Justin: Formative stages, Betsy. Brilliant plans don't just fall out of the sky.
Betsy: Neither do wives in skirts at Stubbie's.
Justin takes a shower, shaves, and gets ready for tournament; Funny uniform donning in front of mirror, psyching himself up. Final step - putting the sweatband on his head.
Betsy sees him emerge, ready to go to Stubbie's.
Betsy: What is that?
Justin: It's just a mole; it's probably nothing.
Betsy: No, not the mole; the headband!
Justin: Well, if you know what it is, why are you asking?
Betsy: Because who the heck wears a headband? It's 2017!
Justin: They're coming back. You can't keep these things down forever. They're too useful.
Betsy: Well I'd like to use it to strangle Mike for scheduling this tournament.
They emerge from the garage, Justin driving. Car scene. Justin still wearing headband.
Betsy: Do you really need to have that on right now?
Justin: You know I like to hear Foreigner before a tournament.
Betsy: Not the radio; the headband!
Justin: If I take it off now, there'll be a red splotch.
Betsy (sarcastically): Really? What shape will it have?
Justin: It'll be in the shape of a headband.
Betsy: Oh, so it'll look like you wear a headband.
Justin: Exactly
Betsy: Which, you do.
Justin: Okay, I need to concentrate now.
Betsy: You're driving fine.
Justin: I'm not concentrating on driving; I'm simulating the tournament in my head.
Betsy: Mike's unpredictable; how can you simulate what he's going to do?
Justin: Well, if don't, who will?
Betsy (exasperated): Why does anyone have to?
Justin: You're sitting next to the southwest metro champion. It didn't happen accidentally. We mock what we do not understand.
Betsy: Thanks Chevy Chase.
Justin: You remember Spies Like Us.
Betsy: We watch it once a year!
Justin: Traditions are important.
Betsy: I'm not going to Stubbie's Justin. Every time I go there, I sit at the bar fending off creeps while you and Mike smash someone in a game. Do you realize you're the only team that laughs when you make a shot? What's so funny?
Justin: I can't help it. It's funny! Believe me. And Stubbie's needs you. It has the ambiance of a Montana goat barn. It's a lot better when you go there.
Betsy: Well, I'm not wearing a skirt.
Justin: Fine, but you know I play better when you wear a skirt.
Betsy: What is wrong with you?
Justin: Remember, it doesn't matter what's wrong with me. The important thing is what I do about it.
Betsy: And what, exactly, is that?
Justin: Formative stages, Betsy. Brilliant plans don't just fall out of the sky.
Betsy: Neither do wives in skirts at Stubbie's.
Justin takes a shower, shaves, and gets ready for tournament; Funny uniform donning in front of mirror, psyching himself up. Final step - putting the sweatband on his head.
Betsy sees him emerge, ready to go to Stubbie's.
Betsy: What is that?
Justin: It's just a mole; it's probably nothing.
Betsy: No, not the mole; the headband!
Justin: Well, if you know what it is, why are you asking?
Betsy: Because who the heck wears a headband? It's 2017!
Justin: They're coming back. You can't keep these things down forever. They're too useful.
Betsy: Well I'd like to use it to strangle Mike for scheduling this tournament.
They emerge from the garage, Justin driving. Car scene. Justin still wearing headband.
Betsy: Do you really need to have that on right now?
Justin: You know I like to hear Foreigner before a tournament.
Betsy: Not the radio; the headband!
Justin: If I take it off now, there'll be a red splotch.
Betsy (sarcastically): Really? What shape will it have?
Justin: It'll be in the shape of a headband.
Betsy: Oh, so it'll look like you wear a headband.
Justin: Exactly
Betsy: Which, you do.
Justin: Okay, I need to concentrate now.
Betsy: You're driving fine.
Justin: I'm not concentrating on driving; I'm simulating the tournament in my head.
Betsy: Mike's unpredictable; how can you simulate what he's going to do?
Justin: Well, if don't, who will?
Betsy (exasperated): Why does anyone have to?
Justin: You're sitting next to the southwest metro champion. It didn't happen accidentally. We mock what we do not understand.
Betsy: Thanks Chevy Chase.
Justin: You remember Spies Like Us.
Betsy: We watch it once a year!
Justin: Traditions are important.
